I watch you with the kids… a rare moment… the peace and serenity on your face – worthy of a lifetime… coz kids don’t bother... they don’t question you about your past and future … they just play around you… lift you up… you don’t have to pretend with them about your sanctity …
I watch you with the electronic games… the alertness and sense of achievement with your wins, so unlike the real world, make you believe you are the master coz they don’t react…
As I try to hold on to you, you gasp free of my clutch as if choked by the nearness…
The more I try to get you involved the more you evade... And I understand that…
I and the rest are aliens... to this lure of ecstasy… the pleasure of one moment vis-à-vis a lifetime of pain…
And for me... I watch you vulnerably smoldering yourself in that hole… your flames reach out to us too… engulfing us in its blazing arms…
Strangled with the numbness
Am dead to all the pain…
Venom I could not spit
Is turning blue in my vein…
This despair is mine…
And I will fight till the sun shines.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
Only Sometimes
Sometimes the incessant raindrops cant wet you...
Some times the heart beats are simply too loud...
Sometimes the silence around you is so stifling…
Sometimes the darkness is just too bright..
Sometimes the threatening tears just don’t fall…
And sometimes... Oh so many times... I am just not me…
Some times the heart beats are simply too loud...
Sometimes the silence around you is so stifling…
Sometimes the darkness is just too bright..
Sometimes the threatening tears just don’t fall…
And sometimes... Oh so many times... I am just not me…
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
The Namesake
I remember having seen this movie with Quak a couple of months or maybe a year ago! Not a commercial movie – yet I had liked it, especially Irfaan and Tabu’s acting. I had also heard the review that the book was much better than the movie but never really got the chance to read it, till recently.
In my short stint of reading books, I had always preferred English / Foreign writers than Indian. Though I must say the writings of Chetan Bhagat are really good, however Indian writings always seem a bit slow paced.
“The Namesake” is the first Jhumpa Lahiri book that I have been reading and though I already knew the storyline, reading the book was overwhelming. As I had perceived the flow was slow paced and at times the sequence seemed very stretching, still there was a small growing inquisitiveness which never let me put the book down.
This book very minutely depicted the sentiments and feelings of an Indian settling down in a continent with unknown surroundings, people, language, food habits and culture; of trying to hold onto what the possess and the reluctance to blend with the current ambiance. The generation gap especially when the two generations belong to separate nationalities is so articulately represented that after a certain point I feel myself to be a part of character in the story. A much unbiased narration by Jhumpa Lahiri where there is no right or wrong way of doing things. At one point you sympathize with Ashima and at the other empathize with Gogol.
The most appealing phase of the book is the transition in Gogol from a boy to a man. One event … and his whole life changes. The life of the early Gogol (or Nikhil, though I must admit that I relate more to Gogol than his good name Nikhil) which was wishy-washy and carefree, suddenly slows down with the death of his father. That one night in his father's apartment brings him closer to his roots, something that years of togetherness could not achieve. That one night of inspection and the dawning understanding of his father’s life had a very natural effect. Another attractive feature of this book is its ‘elegant simplicity’ and the lack of any literary superfluities … short blunt poignant language… no diplomatic word play… no caked display of expressions… raw to the core… exhibition of Indianism.
Gogol – marrying a girl from the same community, yet could not avoid the inevitable.
Sonia – A modern NRI girl, who hates her Indian origin, yet turns out to be great support during the initial days of her mother’s widowhood, the comfortable friendship the Sonia had ALLOWED to develop despite of the variance of mindset is very commendable.
Ashima – Her meekness to accept her married life according to the wishes of her husband, stifling her inner cries… Her boldness to choose a different course of life after having dispensed off all the so called ‘duties and responsibilities’. She had never felt comfortable in the States inspite of the number of years she had spent there, longing for her Indian native. And yet the sad reluctance to leave States where she had spent the last years of togetherness with her husband and children is so ironical!
The other characters like Ruth, Max and Moushumi – and their different ways of living detachedly reminds me of the stark reality of the people around us.
The story is a subtle reminder of the Indian perspective of a family and its significance – something to look up to, something to fall back on… something to live for.
Inspite of Gogol’s numerous attempts to isolate himself from the family ties; he unknowingly could never do that. And its during his worst phase that he finds solace in the reunion of the family. The reality of death, the suddenness and the pain associated with it…. the numerous ways to relive the moments and to feel the presence of the deceased one by being in similar surroundings of the past is very stirring.
Ashima’s attempts to walk or drive through the familiar roads of Cambridge reminiscing her late husband…
Gogol taking a walk around the pond in Cleveland where his dad used to do the same, his trying to figure out the exact places where his dad must have stood before he left the apartment forever, his trying to trace with his index finger his dead father’s contours, moustache and eyebrows is very touching, yet so realistic.
Lastly Nikolai Gogol’s Overcoat – the book which saved Ashoke, and consequently Ashima and her family came through – and Ashima’s words “We all come from Gogol’s overcoat” celebrating the gift of life that Ashoke and his family had received from this Russian author.
(As complimented by daily Telegraph - )
Such beautifully observed characters and unassuming display of emotions, poised sensuality and hidden complexity spun from perfect simplicity…!!!
Applause and cheers!
In my short stint of reading books, I had always preferred English / Foreign writers than Indian. Though I must say the writings of Chetan Bhagat are really good, however Indian writings always seem a bit slow paced.
“The Namesake” is the first Jhumpa Lahiri book that I have been reading and though I already knew the storyline, reading the book was overwhelming. As I had perceived the flow was slow paced and at times the sequence seemed very stretching, still there was a small growing inquisitiveness which never let me put the book down.
This book very minutely depicted the sentiments and feelings of an Indian settling down in a continent with unknown surroundings, people, language, food habits and culture; of trying to hold onto what the possess and the reluctance to blend with the current ambiance. The generation gap especially when the two generations belong to separate nationalities is so articulately represented that after a certain point I feel myself to be a part of character in the story. A much unbiased narration by Jhumpa Lahiri where there is no right or wrong way of doing things. At one point you sympathize with Ashima and at the other empathize with Gogol.
The most appealing phase of the book is the transition in Gogol from a boy to a man. One event … and his whole life changes. The life of the early Gogol (or Nikhil, though I must admit that I relate more to Gogol than his good name Nikhil) which was wishy-washy and carefree, suddenly slows down with the death of his father. That one night in his father's apartment brings him closer to his roots, something that years of togetherness could not achieve. That one night of inspection and the dawning understanding of his father’s life had a very natural effect. Another attractive feature of this book is its ‘elegant simplicity’ and the lack of any literary superfluities … short blunt poignant language… no diplomatic word play… no caked display of expressions… raw to the core… exhibition of Indianism.
Gogol – marrying a girl from the same community, yet could not avoid the inevitable.
Sonia – A modern NRI girl, who hates her Indian origin, yet turns out to be great support during the initial days of her mother’s widowhood, the comfortable friendship the Sonia had ALLOWED to develop despite of the variance of mindset is very commendable.
Ashima – Her meekness to accept her married life according to the wishes of her husband, stifling her inner cries… Her boldness to choose a different course of life after having dispensed off all the so called ‘duties and responsibilities’. She had never felt comfortable in the States inspite of the number of years she had spent there, longing for her Indian native. And yet the sad reluctance to leave States where she had spent the last years of togetherness with her husband and children is so ironical!
The other characters like Ruth, Max and Moushumi – and their different ways of living detachedly reminds me of the stark reality of the people around us.
The story is a subtle reminder of the Indian perspective of a family and its significance – something to look up to, something to fall back on… something to live for.
Inspite of Gogol’s numerous attempts to isolate himself from the family ties; he unknowingly could never do that. And its during his worst phase that he finds solace in the reunion of the family. The reality of death, the suddenness and the pain associated with it…. the numerous ways to relive the moments and to feel the presence of the deceased one by being in similar surroundings of the past is very stirring.
Ashima’s attempts to walk or drive through the familiar roads of Cambridge reminiscing her late husband…
Gogol taking a walk around the pond in Cleveland where his dad used to do the same, his trying to figure out the exact places where his dad must have stood before he left the apartment forever, his trying to trace with his index finger his dead father’s contours, moustache and eyebrows is very touching, yet so realistic.
Lastly Nikolai Gogol’s Overcoat – the book which saved Ashoke, and consequently Ashima and her family came through – and Ashima’s words “We all come from Gogol’s overcoat” celebrating the gift of life that Ashoke and his family had received from this Russian author.
(As complimented by daily Telegraph - )
Such beautifully observed characters and unassuming display of emotions, poised sensuality and hidden complexity spun from perfect simplicity…!!!
Applause and cheers!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The Troublesome Duo
Anybody seeing them would mistake them for twins – both in red top and white skirt, high heels and straightened hair – a gorgeous pair, with an individuality of their own. Both strikingly smart and uniquely attractive.
They have been spotted together many a times and sometimes even their parents / near ones get confused with the similarities, yet a close look would reveal the difference – one with sharp features and the other cute and chubby. But both Emu and Quaky together make the perfect pair, and that too a troublesome one! This is how the term was coined – “Troublesome Duo” And this time when they met at the Cap Kol office, the whole atmosphere was charged, and it felt as if the past four months had never happened.
As if we were meeting casually and not after four long moths – long eventful months with varied experiences for both of us. And that reminded me of how it all started …. in one of those memorable days…
It was in the IISWBM premises that I had spotted her, well never really recollect our first interaction, coz we never paid any heed to each other at that time. All that I remember is a plain simple girl with a red salwar suit (and always a salwar suit), who rarely spoke to me (or may be anyone)!!. Some fleeting interactions with respect to placements and there we were attending a couple of job interviews together, both trying to behave cordially with the other and BINGO!!! We landed up with the same company --- the future Emu and Quak and their beginning…
Both of us engrossed in our own lives, making polite conversation, each going through personal upheavals and lo.. one of those ice breaking moments and it all started.
We never planned to meet or to work or to stay together but destiny had its own say…
And what followed is history!!!
We became the closest; together we sailed through the toughest and the best phases of our lives.
Quak… Remember the Anthro days,
Days of hard work for a soaring career,
Days of frustration and nothingness…
Your attempts to push me out of the office by 7pm
My attempts to prove myself each and every day.
Our attempts to get the maximum of what we had,
Our joint efforts for job hunt…
And guy hunt :-)
You Mafoi… Me Kelly
We both sharing new chapters of our lives… (Remember the fear and insecurity of getting sacked!!!)
So much of heartbreak, so much of strengthening each other ,
So much of shopping specially during those sitting sessions :-)
One of those freaking nights of madness, and a drive on the bypass, shouting and singing ….
“Chal chale apne ghar”
And then the makeover --- and helluva--- Life had so much to offer!!!
You helped me gain strength and confidence, to win over the toughest phase of my life. You showed me my potential and taught me to live for myself first. Your belief in me, your praise of my precious assets... And then our staying together
Memoirs of the Durgapur trip, the photo shoot sessions, the Kalighat puja, belly dancing, morning jogs and the Padatik preps, We and the ipod and the wonderful English songs, You taught me “Viva forever” and my teaching of “Hoy to tomari jonno”. The orkut targets and new captions, the sudden influx of guys, and the awkward datings and hours of phone calls, never to forget the nightly venture to Underground with some unknown friends . Your doggy act and ducky voice… my creating mess of every relation. Our long discussions of bosses over the Escaffio Rumballs and Flurys brownies, BBQ and Petercat, those never to be repeated taxi rides and the morning movie shows.
The fear and doubts of an uncertain future, your first (and then second and third) meet with Shiv, the dress selections. Me crying into the pillow till the wake of the morning and your silent presence by my side, always reassuring of the best to happen…
You leaving Kol, quitting job; Me staying back and joining Cap Kol.
Your days of marriage preparations and my amateur tips in every possible situation.
Your wedding – a time to remember. A time to be happy to see my best friend stepping onto a different course of life… and sad at the thought of loosing you and the end of togetherness.
You in Malaysia… I in India, yet the connect and the bond strengthening all over.
We don’t share each other’s days anymore, you don’t wake me up in the morning or set deadlines for me. We don’t play pranks on anyone anymore; neither do I touch your nose…
I don’t ask your suggestions on any dress that I wear; neither do I let you make plans for a movie without bothering to ask me.
Those days are gone, that phase is over, never to come back again… yet we are together – every moment and every event is shared.
We are together while on call or the YM chats… or when you send me one of those graphical drawings which I admire and share with all my friends or when I discuss the deepest problems late at night over an ISD.
We are still together… when I request you for a ‘quack quack’ or when you call me ‘Emu’.
And that’s why we are together now… both in red and white, sitting side by side, you with tears in your big eyes… and me, well, I am always the indecent one… crying shamelessly, indifferent to the onlookers.
Have missed you terribly, all those months, coming back to an empty room, sleeping with my own thoughts unsaid, trying to wake up to an empty room and an unslept pillow by my side.
Have missed you while cooking ‘chicken tangri’ or having chocolate fantasy.
Have missed you in the City Centre and the Park Street.
Have missed you when I needed you the most, and will always do.
Our chapter of togetherness has closed or rather evolved to a different phase. But I will always cherish the phase that I had passed with you by my side.
Your writing on the backside of the glass painting is still hanging on the wall above my bed ----
““…all experience is an archway wherethrough
gleams that untravelled world,
whose margins fade forever
as I move ahead…”
Keep the journey going & experience all that comes with open arms & mind”
Emu to Quak --- April 12th 2008
They have been spotted together many a times and sometimes even their parents / near ones get confused with the similarities, yet a close look would reveal the difference – one with sharp features and the other cute and chubby. But both Emu and Quaky together make the perfect pair, and that too a troublesome one! This is how the term was coined – “Troublesome Duo” And this time when they met at the Cap Kol office, the whole atmosphere was charged, and it felt as if the past four months had never happened.
As if we were meeting casually and not after four long moths – long eventful months with varied experiences for both of us. And that reminded me of how it all started …. in one of those memorable days…
It was in the IISWBM premises that I had spotted her, well never really recollect our first interaction, coz we never paid any heed to each other at that time. All that I remember is a plain simple girl with a red salwar suit (and always a salwar suit), who rarely spoke to me (or may be anyone)!!. Some fleeting interactions with respect to placements and there we were attending a couple of job interviews together, both trying to behave cordially with the other and BINGO!!! We landed up with the same company --- the future Emu and Quak and their beginning…
Both of us engrossed in our own lives, making polite conversation, each going through personal upheavals and lo.. one of those ice breaking moments and it all started.
We never planned to meet or to work or to stay together but destiny had its own say…
And what followed is history!!!
We became the closest; together we sailed through the toughest and the best phases of our lives.
Quak… Remember the Anthro days,
Days of hard work for a soaring career,
Days of frustration and nothingness…
Your attempts to push me out of the office by 7pm
My attempts to prove myself each and every day.
Our attempts to get the maximum of what we had,
Our joint efforts for job hunt…
And guy hunt :-)
You Mafoi… Me Kelly
We both sharing new chapters of our lives… (Remember the fear and insecurity of getting sacked!!!)
So much of heartbreak, so much of strengthening each other ,
So much of shopping specially during those sitting sessions :-)
One of those freaking nights of madness, and a drive on the bypass, shouting and singing ….
“Chal chale apne ghar”
And then the makeover --- and helluva--- Life had so much to offer!!!
You helped me gain strength and confidence, to win over the toughest phase of my life. You showed me my potential and taught me to live for myself first. Your belief in me, your praise of my precious assets... And then our staying together
Memoirs of the Durgapur trip, the photo shoot sessions, the Kalighat puja, belly dancing, morning jogs and the Padatik preps, We and the ipod and the wonderful English songs, You taught me “Viva forever” and my teaching of “Hoy to tomari jonno”. The orkut targets and new captions, the sudden influx of guys, and the awkward datings and hours of phone calls, never to forget the nightly venture to Underground with some unknown friends . Your doggy act and ducky voice… my creating mess of every relation. Our long discussions of bosses over the Escaffio Rumballs and Flurys brownies, BBQ and Petercat, those never to be repeated taxi rides and the morning movie shows.
The fear and doubts of an uncertain future, your first (and then second and third) meet with Shiv, the dress selections. Me crying into the pillow till the wake of the morning and your silent presence by my side, always reassuring of the best to happen…
You leaving Kol, quitting job; Me staying back and joining Cap Kol.
Your days of marriage preparations and my amateur tips in every possible situation.
Your wedding – a time to remember. A time to be happy to see my best friend stepping onto a different course of life… and sad at the thought of loosing you and the end of togetherness.
You in Malaysia… I in India, yet the connect and the bond strengthening all over.
We don’t share each other’s days anymore, you don’t wake me up in the morning or set deadlines for me. We don’t play pranks on anyone anymore; neither do I touch your nose…
I don’t ask your suggestions on any dress that I wear; neither do I let you make plans for a movie without bothering to ask me.
Those days are gone, that phase is over, never to come back again… yet we are together – every moment and every event is shared.
We are together while on call or the YM chats… or when you send me one of those graphical drawings which I admire and share with all my friends or when I discuss the deepest problems late at night over an ISD.
We are still together… when I request you for a ‘quack quack’ or when you call me ‘Emu’.
And that’s why we are together now… both in red and white, sitting side by side, you with tears in your big eyes… and me, well, I am always the indecent one… crying shamelessly, indifferent to the onlookers.
Have missed you terribly, all those months, coming back to an empty room, sleeping with my own thoughts unsaid, trying to wake up to an empty room and an unslept pillow by my side.
Have missed you while cooking ‘chicken tangri’ or having chocolate fantasy.
Have missed you in the City Centre and the Park Street.
Have missed you when I needed you the most, and will always do.
Our chapter of togetherness has closed or rather evolved to a different phase. But I will always cherish the phase that I had passed with you by my side.
Your writing on the backside of the glass painting is still hanging on the wall above my bed ----
““…all experience is an archway wherethrough
gleams that untravelled world,
whose margins fade forever
as I move ahead…”
Keep the journey going & experience all that comes with open arms & mind”
Emu to Quak --- April 12th 2008
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Hasta Manana.. Always be Mine...!!!
Do you still remember, how it used to be
Feeling together, believe in whatever
My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers
Young love in the sun
Felt like my savior, my spirit I gave you
We'd only just begun
Hasta manana, always be mine
Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one
Yes I still remember, every whispered word
The touch of your skin, giving life from within
Like a love song that I'd heard
Slipping through your fingers, like the sands of time
Promises made, every memory saved
Has reflections in my mind
Hasta manana, always be mine
Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one
But we're alone now, was it just a dream
Feelings untold, they will never be sold
And the secret's safe with me
Hasta manana, always be mine
Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one
for the one
Feeling together, believe in whatever
My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers
Young love in the sun
Felt like my savior, my spirit I gave you
We'd only just begun
Hasta manana, always be mine
Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one
Yes I still remember, every whispered word
The touch of your skin, giving life from within
Like a love song that I'd heard
Slipping through your fingers, like the sands of time
Promises made, every memory saved
Has reflections in my mind
Hasta manana, always be mine
Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one
But we're alone now, was it just a dream
Feelings untold, they will never be sold
And the secret's safe with me
Hasta manana, always be mine
Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one
for the one
Friday, November 30, 2007
Don't..!!!
Don’t care so much for me,
I may get used to it.
Don't come so near to me,
I may not be able to detach from it.
Don't put so much faith in me,
I may not be able to handle it.
Don't touch me the way u do,
I may not be able to get over it.
Don't become a part of my life,
Coz without u, I won't be able to live it.
Don't make me fall for u,
I may not be able to fall out of it.
Don't come into my life,
If u have to leave one day.
Don't give me the hope,
That it's forever u r gonna stay.
Coz love is an emotion
I won't be able to hide,
When love isn't reciprocated with love,
It hurts deep down inside.
Don't start something
That I won't be able to end.
Don't make me believe
That u can be more than a friend.
Coz at the end of it all,
I don't wanna hear u say,
That," I'm sorry,"
" but I never felt the same way!"
I may get used to it.
Don't come so near to me,
I may not be able to detach from it.
Don't put so much faith in me,
I may not be able to handle it.
Don't touch me the way u do,
I may not be able to get over it.
Don't become a part of my life,
Coz without u, I won't be able to live it.
Don't make me fall for u,
I may not be able to fall out of it.
Don't come into my life,
If u have to leave one day.
Don't give me the hope,
That it's forever u r gonna stay.
Coz love is an emotion
I won't be able to hide,
When love isn't reciprocated with love,
It hurts deep down inside.
Don't start something
That I won't be able to end.
Don't make me believe
That u can be more than a friend.
Coz at the end of it all,
I don't wanna hear u say,
That," I'm sorry,"
" but I never felt the same way!"
Friday, March 09, 2007
AfterGlow.. !!!
Here I am,
lost in the light of the moon
that comes through my window
Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses
Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow
Here I am, lost in the ashes of time,
but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow,
I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today
Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way
I will sacrifice
'til the blinding day
when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow
When the faith has gone
as I let you go,
as I let you go
Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way,
I will sacrifice
Now I'm living
in your afterglow
Bathed in blue,
the walls of my memory divide
the thorns from the roses
It's you who is closest
lost in the light of the moon
that comes through my window
Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses
Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow
Here I am, lost in the ashes of time,
but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow,
I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today
Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way
I will sacrifice
'til the blinding day
when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow
When the faith has gone
as I let you go,
as I let you go
Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way,
I will sacrifice
Now I'm living
in your afterglow
Bathed in blue,
the walls of my memory divide
the thorns from the roses
It's you who is closest
Sunday, February 25, 2007
One last time..!!
Its been months.. and it seems to be like ages since I have stopped communicating (with It…). I no longer let It come near my premises.. Its as if there is a glass door between us… A crystal clear transparent one… so that there is an unbreakable barrier yet one that we cant see… and somewhere the urge to cross or break that barrier to go beyond has died down… Nothing is indispensable in life.. Neither had It been.. I am still the happy go lucky self.. Life is still as good as ever…
I have more or less bid goodbyes to everything that could have affected me by now.. just a few scattered remenants here and there left…
I still have to do the one final thing .. which I had forgotten totally.. It … I still have to part with It finally… Maybe that was what was bothering me inside.. the peeping face… tormenting at times…
So I chose today to do the honors… A farewell song for It … To reiterate that though you will never be with me again.. yet I will never forget you… and however far we may be.. you will always have the same effect as you had on the first day.. as fresh like the morning bloom… as prominent as the clear night sky…
Today for the rest of the night .. I will listen to this farewell song…. And gradually .. slowly.. will let It fade out of my life…. Fade into oblivion… It has been very faithful all the while.. being with me through the ups and downs.. but now am no more authorized to hold It back.. Have to let it go.. so that it doesn’t suffocate with me.. so that it can breathe in fresh air.. and remain alive… forever.. to spread its fragrance everywhere and touch the lives of all those who pass by…
Good bye.. My farewell song for you…
Door jo aaj hain , yaad ate to hain
khwab adhure sahi , khwab saharey to hain
aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hain
yadein teri daman kheenchti hain
bhool chuke hain jo humein
yaad ate to hain…
sadiyon ke fasle aaj hain darmiyan
ho jai mager jitni bhi dooriyan
aap jahan bhi rahain , aap humarey to hain
khwab adhure sahi , khwab saharey to hain
jane phir kab milain tere mere rastein
aas tute nahi yaad itna rahe ……
raat dhalni to hai
aane ujalay to hai..!!
(Junoon)
As the night proceeds... let me kiss it goodbye for one last time..!!
I have more or less bid goodbyes to everything that could have affected me by now.. just a few scattered remenants here and there left…
I still have to do the one final thing .. which I had forgotten totally.. It … I still have to part with It finally… Maybe that was what was bothering me inside.. the peeping face… tormenting at times…
So I chose today to do the honors… A farewell song for It … To reiterate that though you will never be with me again.. yet I will never forget you… and however far we may be.. you will always have the same effect as you had on the first day.. as fresh like the morning bloom… as prominent as the clear night sky…
Today for the rest of the night .. I will listen to this farewell song…. And gradually .. slowly.. will let It fade out of my life…. Fade into oblivion… It has been very faithful all the while.. being with me through the ups and downs.. but now am no more authorized to hold It back.. Have to let it go.. so that it doesn’t suffocate with me.. so that it can breathe in fresh air.. and remain alive… forever.. to spread its fragrance everywhere and touch the lives of all those who pass by…
Good bye.. My farewell song for you…
Door jo aaj hain , yaad ate to hain
khwab adhure sahi , khwab saharey to hain
aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hain
yadein teri daman kheenchti hain
bhool chuke hain jo humein
yaad ate to hain…
sadiyon ke fasle aaj hain darmiyan
ho jai mager jitni bhi dooriyan
aap jahan bhi rahain , aap humarey to hain
khwab adhure sahi , khwab saharey to hain
jane phir kab milain tere mere rastein
aas tute nahi yaad itna rahe ……
raat dhalni to hai
aane ujalay to hai..!!
(Junoon)
As the night proceeds... let me kiss it goodbye for one last time..!!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Unbreak My Heart..!!!
Don´t leave me in all this pain
don´t leave me out in the rain
come back and bring back my smile
come and take these tears away
I need your arms
to hold me now
the nights are so unkind
bring back those nights
when I held you besid me
Unbreak my heart
say you love me again
undo this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
uncry these tears
I cried so many nights
unbreak my heart (my heart)
Take back te sad word good bye
bring me the joy to my life
Don´t leave me here with these tears
come and kiss this pain away
I can´t forget the day you left
time is so unkind
and life is so cruel
without you beside me
Unbreak my heart
say you´ll love me again
undo this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
Uncry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un break my heart
Don´t leave me in all this pain
don´t leave out in the rain
bring back the nights
when I held you beside me
Unbreak my heart
say you love me again
undo this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
uncry these tears
I cried so many milions nights
un break my
Unbreak my heart Oh Baby
come back and say you love me
unbreak my heart sweet sarling
without you I just can´t go on
Chorus: Say you love me, say you love me
don´t leave me out in the rain
come back and bring back my smile
come and take these tears away
I need your arms
to hold me now
the nights are so unkind
bring back those nights
when I held you besid me
Unbreak my heart
say you love me again
undo this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
uncry these tears
I cried so many nights
unbreak my heart (my heart)
Take back te sad word good bye
bring me the joy to my life
Don´t leave me here with these tears
come and kiss this pain away
I can´t forget the day you left
time is so unkind
and life is so cruel
without you beside me
Unbreak my heart
say you´ll love me again
undo this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
Uncry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un break my heart
Don´t leave me in all this pain
don´t leave out in the rain
bring back the nights
when I held you beside me
Unbreak my heart
say you love me again
undo this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
uncry these tears
I cried so many milions nights
un break my
Unbreak my heart Oh Baby
come back and say you love me
unbreak my heart sweet sarling
without you I just can´t go on
Chorus: Say you love me, say you love me
Sunday, December 03, 2006
The Bypass Calling
The lonely drive… along the stretch…
The gust of wind on my face
Has often evoked a smile or a tear sometimes…
The green elements standing untouched..
the city looming aside…
The neon lights enlightening the pathway..
the numerous hoardings increasingly lining up day by day…
The all too familiar smell..
the memories of another day…
the unknown face…with the known smile…
the hands that were sometimes felt..
the silence between
more disturbing than the bizarre traffic…
the churning heart..
the yearns of a loved heart…
“Dada bypass dhore berobo”
…anyplace I go.. I always prefer the bypass route…Logically speaking it is the fastest and most hassle free route. So Whenever I ask myself..” Shall I take the bypass” Its always accompanied by a “Yes”… Logic says so.. but its not logic that I follow.. have never followed it.. its my heart that rules again.
Dear Bypass..
You steer me away from the main city
towards the strait of memories..
of some golden momets spent..
You have seen me in every form..
happen to know every hidden secret of mine…
You have shared my smiles…
and my tears too unyieldingly.
You are the same everyday..
but the intangibles attached are different
I take your route everyday…
I relate to myself through you…
You are the only one with whom I feel.. and feel everything…
the ‘had beens’… the ‘is’.. the ‘will bes’.
Its you who comes to me .. when I think of this city
The silence never broken…. Not a word said… No tears shed.. then why did I feel you near me.. soothing me.. touching me…
You have seen me breaking… and gradually making too..
You have heard my silent curses and the whispers of endearments too..
You have seen it all and you know it all…
yet I have never added you to my friend list…
I have never thanked you enough for being constant in this world of inconsistency..
From faraway the old song sings…
“Ei shohor jaane amar prothom shob kichu…”
So I give in to the urge.. and pass by the dwindling city …
”Dada Bypass dhore berobo”
The gust of wind on my face
Has often evoked a smile or a tear sometimes…
The green elements standing untouched..
the city looming aside…
The neon lights enlightening the pathway..
the numerous hoardings increasingly lining up day by day…
The all too familiar smell..
the memories of another day…
the unknown face…with the known smile…
the hands that were sometimes felt..
the silence between
more disturbing than the bizarre traffic…
the churning heart..
the yearns of a loved heart…
“Dada bypass dhore berobo”
…anyplace I go.. I always prefer the bypass route…Logically speaking it is the fastest and most hassle free route. So Whenever I ask myself..” Shall I take the bypass” Its always accompanied by a “Yes”… Logic says so.. but its not logic that I follow.. have never followed it.. its my heart that rules again.
Dear Bypass..
You steer me away from the main city
towards the strait of memories..
of some golden momets spent..
You have seen me in every form..
happen to know every hidden secret of mine…
You have shared my smiles…
and my tears too unyieldingly.
You are the same everyday..
but the intangibles attached are different
I take your route everyday…
I relate to myself through you…
You are the only one with whom I feel.. and feel everything…
the ‘had beens’… the ‘is’.. the ‘will bes’.
Its you who comes to me .. when I think of this city
The silence never broken…. Not a word said… No tears shed.. then why did I feel you near me.. soothing me.. touching me…
You have seen me breaking… and gradually making too..
You have heard my silent curses and the whispers of endearments too..
You have seen it all and you know it all…
yet I have never added you to my friend list…
I have never thanked you enough for being constant in this world of inconsistency..
From faraway the old song sings…
“Ei shohor jaane amar prothom shob kichu…”
So I give in to the urge.. and pass by the dwindling city …
”Dada Bypass dhore berobo”
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I have lost it.... completely.. this time !!!
IT never happened the way I wanted it to....
"Years down the line when I no more have the time to listen to the falling raindrops..when I no longer feel the warmth of the blanket, when I don’t have to go to college ..no canteens, no adda, no cups of coffee on the terrace, no coffeehouse no foodstation visits.........When tired of the ‘office’ life I look out for something-- only to get a vacuum . I know it will still be there..that face, that image, that smile, that caress...
it might touch me lightly even, but it will....
It will still listen to me when I have lost the energy to talk..
It will remind me of those cozy...warm... silky nights..
of the smile that was there in broad day light..
of the hand that touched me..
of the heart that loved me.
... and I will be happy again!! I will be his girl again. I will forget everything and sleep again!"
It is not there in my life anymore.... It stands far away from me..mocks me.. and challenges me that if I go after it I will prove myself a weakling...
It is not there in my life anymore.... will never be there...
... and I will never be happy again!! I will never be his girl again. I will forget everything but never sleep again !!!
"Years down the line when I no more have the time to listen to the falling raindrops..when I no longer feel the warmth of the blanket, when I don’t have to go to college ..no canteens, no adda, no cups of coffee on the terrace, no coffeehouse no foodstation visits.........When tired of the ‘office’ life I look out for something-- only to get a vacuum . I know it will still be there..that face, that image, that smile, that caress...
it might touch me lightly even, but it will....
It will still listen to me when I have lost the energy to talk..
It will remind me of those cozy...warm... silky nights..
of the smile that was there in broad day light..
of the hand that touched me..
of the heart that loved me.
... and I will be happy again!! I will be his girl again. I will forget everything and sleep again!"
It is not there in my life anymore.... It stands far away from me..mocks me.. and challenges me that if I go after it I will prove myself a weakling...
It is not there in my life anymore.... will never be there...
... and I will never be happy again!! I will never be his girl again. I will forget everything but never sleep again !!!
Friday, August 11, 2006
The Epilogue…
When the years fade away
Into the glorious past
And men seemed to have
Changed their paths
When you’ve moved apart
Ahead in life
The choicest moves
Pressing your sides
On a long road you will walk
Feeling me at every spot
And as the days go by you would remember me
As if you never forgot
That’s me for your heart !!!
Into the glorious past
And men seemed to have
Changed their paths
When you’ve moved apart
Ahead in life
The choicest moves
Pressing your sides
On a long road you will walk
Feeling me at every spot
And as the days go by you would remember me
As if you never forgot
That’s me for your heart !!!
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Bye Bye Quacky !!
"Days fade into night,
Winter into glorious spring...
Memories do not fade away,They just settle down into a permanent corner of your mind.
One fine morning, you might find those memories wake up from hibernation.
Those dusty corners behind the closed door
Of your mind gets cleansed
and that torn address book comes out...............
We are just a call away."
Courtesy : Paromita Chakraborty
Winter into glorious spring...
Memories do not fade away,They just settle down into a permanent corner of your mind.
One fine morning, you might find those memories wake up from hibernation.
Those dusty corners behind the closed door
Of your mind gets cleansed
and that torn address book comes out...............
We are just a call away."
Courtesy : Paromita Chakraborty
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Nobody around... :(
The world said this, the world said that,
but nobody cared to know what said my heart.
Nobody ever looked through my eyes, nobody ever thought what I like or despise.
Nobody will ever see what I think, nobody will ever understand nything.
Nobody will ever get to know the pain I`m in...
Nobody will ever uncover the secrets within.
Time & tide waits for none & I`ll grow up as wished by everyone.
My tears are dry & I`ve forgtten 2 cry. But nobody will ever know why I said
"IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING"...
They will never know what I live (lived) for & what my life is!
but nobody cared to know what said my heart.
Nobody ever looked through my eyes, nobody ever thought what I like or despise.
Nobody will ever see what I think, nobody will ever understand nything.
Nobody will ever get to know the pain I`m in...
Nobody will ever uncover the secrets within.
Time & tide waits for none & I`ll grow up as wished by everyone.
My tears are dry & I`ve forgtten 2 cry. But nobody will ever know why I said
"IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING"...
They will never know what I live (lived) for & what my life is!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
FORBIDDEN LIFE
As the night creeps in
And silence befalls...
The faces seem to fade
Amidst the darkened walls....
But Men must come and Men must go,
As the night creeps in and silence befalls.
The meaning of death has finally struck me and am suddenly not able to find the strength to accept the existence of that.
DEATH ...!! How can a person who had been breathing life, talking walking, smiling,... a person in real flesh & blood be reduced to ashes. Living people... finally ending up in ashes. That’s what death is.!!
Biologically, the heart stops functioning, but for us... it’s the end of a life, and with it dies its hopes, wishes, dreams, its burdens, struggles and also happiness of so many other people.
And yet how easily we forget death...! May be not ‘forget’ but sooner or later we all get used to the sorrow of death – the fact that our dear & loved one is not with us... will never be with us anymore.
That’s what rebels in me tonight ... How can I permit my loved ones body to be burnt in ashes... Never to see him/ her again... never to hear that voice, that laughter... ad whom do I go to when I need help, when I need that particular person.
Will I find a substitute for this too...???
It’s a question for every body... How can we allow death?? Why don’t we have control over it ...?
And yet every life moves towards the sole destination... Death! The only permissible love of life is death...!
So I let the night creep in
And silence to befall...
I let the faces fade
Amidst the darkened walls....
And I cry and I cry...
Till the tears dry.
Until the night creeps into the silent walls.
And silence befalls...
The faces seem to fade
Amidst the darkened walls....
But Men must come and Men must go,
As the night creeps in and silence befalls.
The meaning of death has finally struck me and am suddenly not able to find the strength to accept the existence of that.
DEATH ...!! How can a person who had been breathing life, talking walking, smiling,... a person in real flesh & blood be reduced to ashes. Living people... finally ending up in ashes. That’s what death is.!!
Biologically, the heart stops functioning, but for us... it’s the end of a life, and with it dies its hopes, wishes, dreams, its burdens, struggles and also happiness of so many other people.
And yet how easily we forget death...! May be not ‘forget’ but sooner or later we all get used to the sorrow of death – the fact that our dear & loved one is not with us... will never be with us anymore.
That’s what rebels in me tonight ... How can I permit my loved ones body to be burnt in ashes... Never to see him/ her again... never to hear that voice, that laughter... ad whom do I go to when I need help, when I need that particular person.
Will I find a substitute for this too...???
It’s a question for every body... How can we allow death?? Why don’t we have control over it ...?
And yet every life moves towards the sole destination... Death! The only permissible love of life is death...!
So I let the night creep in
And silence to befall...
I let the faces fade
Amidst the darkened walls....
And I cry and I cry...
Till the tears dry.
Until the night creeps into the silent walls.
15 PARK AVENUE
A very well appreciated movie made by Aparna Sen - a movie depicting one of the rare kinds of mental illnesses - Schizophrenia – a disease where a person lives in an unreal world and believes it to be as true as the real world is for us.
And a very commendable performance by Konkona Sen Sharma who led the role of the mentally challenged patient.
The movie made me think a lot and as usual my extent of imagination had no bounds.
Schizophrenic patients are so unlike the normal people, but still I found a hidden similarity with them.
For me and am sure many of us, our existence is substantiated with the co-existence of an unreal world - a world where all the otherwise impossible things happen... a world where all our suppressed dreams and wishes come true.
For me, in this world, I have with me the love that I had never succeeded in having in my real world. I have some hypothetical problems and situations which deeply affect me and make me cry to an extent where I forget that in actual they do not exist.
And strangest of all, for me, both the worlds operate simultaneously.
When I am in office, I let the real world take over me, though I can hear the call of the unreal world at the same time.
At home I let the latter take over and get so engrossed that often I forget the differentiation between reality and unreality... And yet I am normal.
...We are all normal till there is the fine line of differentiation between fact and imagination.
But just a thought : What happens when we cross the fine line of demarcation??? What happens when imagination takes over reality...?
Do we forget the real world totally? Do we get lost suddenly as Konkona did...???
Do we finally have the address of our dreams as Konkona did ...?
Do we ever get out of this world....???
Do we finally reach our “15 PARK AVENUE”....???
And a very commendable performance by Konkona Sen Sharma who led the role of the mentally challenged patient.
The movie made me think a lot and as usual my extent of imagination had no bounds.
Schizophrenic patients are so unlike the normal people, but still I found a hidden similarity with them.
For me and am sure many of us, our existence is substantiated with the co-existence of an unreal world - a world where all the otherwise impossible things happen... a world where all our suppressed dreams and wishes come true.
For me, in this world, I have with me the love that I had never succeeded in having in my real world. I have some hypothetical problems and situations which deeply affect me and make me cry to an extent where I forget that in actual they do not exist.
And strangest of all, for me, both the worlds operate simultaneously.
When I am in office, I let the real world take over me, though I can hear the call of the unreal world at the same time.
At home I let the latter take over and get so engrossed that often I forget the differentiation between reality and unreality... And yet I am normal.
...We are all normal till there is the fine line of differentiation between fact and imagination.
But just a thought : What happens when we cross the fine line of demarcation??? What happens when imagination takes over reality...?
Do we forget the real world totally? Do we get lost suddenly as Konkona did...???
Do we finally have the address of our dreams as Konkona did ...?
Do we ever get out of this world....???
Do we finally reach our “15 PARK AVENUE”....???
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Sunny!
The rains have finally stopped and sun rays have started peeking from amidst the clouds. The mood has shifted... Who knows the phase might just pass...
Monday, July 04, 2005
“Dear brother…”
Dreams… hopes…expectations…Somewhere unknowingly our lives have become arrested amidst these few words. And then when they are shattered all that is left behind is, amidst the ashes, frustration, depression and self pity. Can words really describe life? How did both of us mess our lives between these words, dear brother?
A few words said by you today is putting my mind to unrest. It is still echoing in my ears… “What I should have done, you are doing it. I am really proud to be your brother!” Simple words, but see it is making me cry! Proud?? To be my brother?? Its like an honorary statement for me. You might not be aware of, but its you who I am proud of, in spite of all your mistakes.
How do I tell you that one of the major influences in my life has been you, and that’s why I m what I am. How do I say that its you from whom I have always learnt the way to talk, to formulate thoughts into ideas? How do I say that it has been your inspiration which has made me put down my inhibitions away and become a jolly friendly being.
How can I say that it had been your absence from the family which had made me realize the strength of family ties and bonds. That it had been while I was yearning for your presence obsessively that I had learnt to be independent, that it was your expectations which had me work hard.
How do I forget that it had been you who had first taught me to wear jeans, to dance… that it had been conversing during those long walks into the dark nights that had taught me to think and analyse? How do I forget that it had been you who had always encouraged me to take on challenges in life?
How do I tell you I am proud of the way you have moved on in your life? How do I tell you though I may not appreciate your ways of dealing with problems yet I am proud of the fact that you have never lost the spirit. That you have always moved ahead with your failures, with the same zeal. That it was you who had taught me to share happiness with others and keep the sorrows to oneself.
That it was you who had always helped me with my problems, given me the best of the advices, patiently and tactfully you have made me realize my faults, shown me how to live for oneself, how to drink life to the lees and live to the fullest!
How easily you put difficult sentiments into simple words, how easily you could say that you are proud of me. Taking your cue, I boast today that you had been my hero all through, that in spite of all your faults and mistakes- I am proud of you, dear brother… I am proud to be your sister and of the fact that YOU are my brother.
I am proud that you are what you are!!
A few words said by you today is putting my mind to unrest. It is still echoing in my ears… “What I should have done, you are doing it. I am really proud to be your brother!” Simple words, but see it is making me cry! Proud?? To be my brother?? Its like an honorary statement for me. You might not be aware of, but its you who I am proud of, in spite of all your mistakes.
How do I tell you that one of the major influences in my life has been you, and that’s why I m what I am. How do I say that its you from whom I have always learnt the way to talk, to formulate thoughts into ideas? How do I say that it has been your inspiration which has made me put down my inhibitions away and become a jolly friendly being.
How can I say that it had been your absence from the family which had made me realize the strength of family ties and bonds. That it had been while I was yearning for your presence obsessively that I had learnt to be independent, that it was your expectations which had me work hard.
How do I forget that it had been you who had first taught me to wear jeans, to dance… that it had been conversing during those long walks into the dark nights that had taught me to think and analyse? How do I forget that it had been you who had always encouraged me to take on challenges in life?
How do I tell you I am proud of the way you have moved on in your life? How do I tell you though I may not appreciate your ways of dealing with problems yet I am proud of the fact that you have never lost the spirit. That you have always moved ahead with your failures, with the same zeal. That it was you who had taught me to share happiness with others and keep the sorrows to oneself.
That it was you who had always helped me with my problems, given me the best of the advices, patiently and tactfully you have made me realize my faults, shown me how to live for oneself, how to drink life to the lees and live to the fullest!
How easily you put difficult sentiments into simple words, how easily you could say that you are proud of me. Taking your cue, I boast today that you had been my hero all through, that in spite of all your faults and mistakes- I am proud of you, dear brother… I am proud to be your sister and of the fact that YOU are my brother.
I am proud that you are what you are!!
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Keeping Pace
Chilling Outside… wet roads, all muddy and splashing everywhere… Drizzling all round...all washed away… Smells like monsoon, and with it brings a gloom. People walk past, some brushing away the drizzles and some walk by as if the pours hardly touched them. Screeching sounds of car tyres hitting the muddy surfaces… some still partying late nights, some cosily secure in their warm beds with their partners.
Candle light dinners, long drive, stolen kisses, late night calls…
Dreams woven into empty spaces… dreams shattered silently…
Faded smiles… Some unshed tears blinking on the surface, some pressed onto the cushions…
Hearts linked…Hearts broken…. Striving towards the unknown…Driving into the dark…
A newborn baby, a flower crushed… Something unspoken, some unheard…
A dark highway…a lonely street…
Life goes on…So do I.
Candle light dinners, long drive, stolen kisses, late night calls…
Dreams woven into empty spaces… dreams shattered silently…
Faded smiles… Some unshed tears blinking on the surface, some pressed onto the cushions…
Hearts linked…Hearts broken…. Striving towards the unknown…Driving into the dark…
A newborn baby, a flower crushed… Something unspoken, some unheard…
A dark highway…a lonely street…
Life goes on…So do I.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)