Nostalgic...

As I walked through the wide open gates to the all too familiar building which has stood there for years, I didn’t feel any different. It was like a part of my daily routine as it used to be two years ago. There was some sort of suppressed excitement, it was the first time in these two years that I would be visiting my college. The board displayed the name “Lady Brabourne College” and I walked in. As I made my way through the gateway, I recalled my first introduction with this college.
Being born and brought up outside Kolkata (& maybe due to the fact that I disliked it and never wanted to study in this city) I was quite unaware of the fact that it was one of the best colleges in the city. It was only during one of my vacations in the city when I had come down to Park Circus for some blood tests in Repro-Med that my dad told me about this college being every girl’s dream college. At that time I had criticized my dad’s secret desire for me to be a Brabournite. As unexpected as it was, I landed up in this dream college as a Botany Hons. Student. As I walked pass the same entrance I remembered the words spoken by my dad as I had walked by his side on my first day to college. “Live in a way such that even Brabourne would be proud to have you as a part of itself.”

The same flight of stairs took me to the corridor where I had spent the three years of my graduation. Once I had looked at this corridor and longed to be a part of this college and today I was walking along it as if it belonged to me.
Everything was same here. Nothing seemed to have changed as if the hands of the clock have been turned back and I was back to my graduation days. The familiar smell of acid and stains flared my nostrils. The microscopes glared back at me and told the same old story. They needed repairing. The college gets grant from the government but I wonder why it is not utilized properly for infrastructure development. The students were still fidgeting with the microscopes since it could not be focused. I even helped one of the girls in standardization. And why not? After all I had to do it almost everyday since I could never find out my microscope... somebody or the other always took it. But wonder me, who always had problem focusing.... how could I get it right today so easily? Does passing the examination means you actually have become an expert in that? But thank god! At least my image was saved!

I had to wait in the staff room for some time as the professors were a bit busy. But that was okay for me. For the first time I didn’t mind waiting in this room. Earlier it was an agony. We all had to wait here and get the slides and the diagrams corrected. And I don’t remember a single day when any of us got them right at one shot. So today waiting here was no distress. It felt good to hear the teachers shouting at the students for dirty slides and totally vague theoretical diagrams. It was the same thing, the same dialogues...only the characters had changed. Only I was no longer at the receiving end but rather a third party who was watching the scene-play. To me they were sweet and polite, asking about my job and future plans. How I had hated them for shouting at me in the initial years!! And sections!!!! Gosh! I could never get them perfect. If it was thin then it would be oblique and if I got it straight it would be thick! Even a new sharp 7oclock blade wouldn’t help. Thank god I don’t deal with them now!

The best part was meeting with the non-teaching staff. I got a warm welcome out there. In my college days they had helped me a lot as I was a hostelite and needed frequent releases. It was good to talk to them. I even had lemon tea made on the Bunsen burner and dirtied my hands with saffranine stain. Though, to be frank it was a deliberate action on my part. I wanted to get the feel of it again...the smell, the stained hands, which had been a part of my life for three years.... that I had hated so much, now felt pleasing and soothing. The staffs were criticizing the higher authorities for their misbehavior which they had to tolerate with low pay. Employee Grievances!! Here comes HR!
Sipping the tea I gazed at the volley ball court where we used to sit at times. Some were still sitting. Some things are passed on untold. I unhesitatingly looked at the beautiful gardens and the trees that could be seen from the balcony. We had spent three years plucking plants from this garden for our taxonomy classes. And I for one doubt if, even now left alone, can identify the family, leave alone the genus. But I could always blame it on “Praine’s Language”, cant I?
I had always complained that Botany is ruining my love for nature. That it was not allowing me to appreciate God’s creation. That whenever I looked at the flowers I had to talk about the arrangements of petals, sepals, androecium and gynoecium while my mind was awed by the diversity in nature. Today nobody disturbed me as I kept gazing at the flowers and the trees. There was a strange quietness around. As if life was passing by unnoticed. So smooth ....so calm... For the first time in days I found peace. My mind was at rest. I felt tired of the race....I wanted to lie down then n there. Instead I sat on the chair and felt the serenity of the place. Maybe this was what I was looking for in the past few days. The peace of mind. I don’t remember feeling so good even when I used to study here.
I realized something. Past ... good or bad...is always peaceful. Present is lively and energy consuming while future is always confusing, uncertain and turbulent. Peace can not be found anywhere. It’s a state of mind. Its within us! We need the time and moment to feel it.
It was time to leave. I retraced my path the way I came. And as I walked down the stairs, across the gateway towards the exit, my dad’s words came back to me. I couldn’t answer that call within me for I know I have not done anything substantial in my life till now. I have to prove myself in this world. I have to come back to this place to answer that voice.

I will come back again....sometime..... maybe when I am passing by or maybe when the impulse hits me or maybe to find the moment to calm down the racing mind and feel the peace within me.
I will come again.........till then ba-bye!!