Change of seasons

I looked up from the laptop at the window ... expecting to see what was obvious.. cars moving by.. the green the trees.. or maybe even red and yellow... but all that met my eyes were some shades of black and grey... IF green was left.. I could not decipher it... A bleak morning... even the sky had lost its color.. I looked down at the laptop.. a the weather channel installed on the desktop...which would give me the hourly temperature updates.. and it surely was not very encouraging...

It was warm inside (thanks to the heater).. and dark... but I could almost feel the damp chill outside.. as if it touched me somewhere... It might rain tonight... Winter has already found its way in. All you try is to hold onto the last few sunshine... but even that fades away. I await the snow now...

In the past 3 months I have often looked up at the window and seen the world outside.. changing its numerous faces... the sunny mornings to heavy shower and now to cold darkness. From green leaves.. to a multitude of colors to bare branches.
It had never been so vivid outside. Back in my country the window would either reveal a part of my office building.. or the numerous apartments nearby.. or a rare opulent view of the green against the blue sky...

In my childhood I have always painted trees green... shades of green maybe. Never have I thought of coloring them red or yellow.. that might have made my art teacher laugh. But here every color fits a tree depending on which season of the year you are in.
Never has the weather outside decided how the day would turn out to be... well thats how my husband puts it... haah for the first time my blog bears the name and reference to a 'husband" !
Well I am married now... almost been past 5 months. Seems like it was yesterday... that I met him.. started talking to him.. liked him.. started feeling that wierd fluttering mushy thing for him.. wondered what it would be to spend a life with him.. started bothering about what if nots... and within no time all my doubts and fears were swept aside and we were together. Everything took time to seep in.. but it felt so good... just like when you wake up from a warm coziness to find a beautiful weather outside...

All this time so many things happening in and around me.. and my mind was never resting... the thoughts and feelings always crowding .. but they never flowed from my mind to my fingers... they never got transformed into words... I was too happy and busy.. or happily busy...
There were times when I desperately wished I could pen down my thoughts but either the stationeries were not around or I was too lazy!

Today is just another of those days... just another morning... but somehow .. somehow I managed. I was saturated with whatever keeps me busy and just wanted to have the luxury of writing something.. anything.. just to get started again. Earlier whenever I was low or felt lonely I would take refuge in this blog of mine.. but that doesnot seem to be the case nowadays... thanks to my new life! But I wanted to continue with my writing... pouring out my heart... every thing that I felt.. every flicker of emotion. and so here I am.. back with a BANG!
Not sure what and what not to write... should it be the new life unfolding infront of me.. or the different surroundings that I am into.. or of the wonderful nature that never ceases to bewilder me or some memoirs from the past.
While I decide what next to put in... I call it a day today, Till the next time... Keep warm!

The search continues...

How much does the city of Joy drinks every night?
How many gallons to pain and tears, somewhere in some corner of this old city
away from the circles of light, happiness is sold for ten.
Bathed in colored light we study ourselves in different mirrors every night

Everybody is looking for someone, someone less melancholic...
With every finding I keep looking for something else, my search never ends
It always has a new beginning;

For many of us present is past continued and future never seems to arrive, living our childhood all through life.
The city no longer is home to immigrants living in colonies, it is running out of love
I have too much of spare time, I keep looking at the sun through the bottom of my whisky glass
A world goes out of fashion with every new sunshine; the painting in the gallery is searching for a home, children of broken homes

Waking up to a different today, the world is loosing its mind
Waking up to a different self everyday, I am looking for me……


Courtsey: Rajarshi Choudhury

The Bed

Yesterday was just another day... yet it was raining cats and dogs throughout... and the chill in the air was piercing… I had gone out to run some errands and was speaking to baba when he told that my grandma’s bed was sold off that day. Baba was very upset, as it was this bed that he had gifted to his mother with his first month’s salary. Mamma (as we used to call my grandmother) left us all 5 months ago... And with her all of our lives and routines changed... yesterday her bed was sold off and which carried so many memories of the past years. She is not with us... and even her most precious memory was lost too… But the grief was profound… Not for this loss of furniture... rather the loss of so many dreams and happy moments overpowered this grief.

My early memories of childhood was I and mamma on that bed… sleeping, eating, playing… everything… I still remember I used to bring chalks from school so that I could write on the bedpost... pretending I was the teacher… God knows till what age I played like this. The entire shine of the bedpost was damaged till baba repolished it. I remember the blue colored mosquito net which used to be hung over the bed at night. Ma and Baba would always say that they would never sell it off as it was of really good wood. Mamma, probably till the last time she was in Rihand slept on that… She would hide food items underneath her mattress…
So many tits and bits of memories… Some of us (like me) are sentimental fools... we gather the small precious moments and store it in lifeless things... and for the rest of our lives keep associating memories with them…

I never really visualized this day would come, the day when baba retires. I had been hearing about it for the past 2-3 years… This had been the deadline for a special event in my life… but life hardly runs the way you plan. To sell off the furniture was never dreamt of... or maybe there never were any plans... Maybe we always postponed all the planning.

Now there is no mamma to shout at… and her bed is gone for us too… people and things which had been part of your life for past 26 years suddenly disappear and you are supposed to live with that --- that hurts! I never really let her absence sink in my life but yesterday when baba told about that bed...I could not control myself...
Rains and tears were dripping down my face... I kept walking in the freezing rain but the pain would just not subside … I could visualize my Rihand and my childhood… the 5 of us – me, dada, ma, baba and mamma… the happy family… all gone… the very essence is long gone… all that’s left is smiling faces with hidden tears, hollow empty lives…the laughter, the fun all missing somewhere..
Yet we smile... I smile… Sometimes evade company... Sometimes pretend to be merry and life goes on like this for us now.

In the early morning hours when I push myself to sleep… I wonder…. Will this dark night ever pass? Will we ever see the dawn…?

Shhh…

Last night I cried out loud
For the sake of hearing a sound
But all I could tender
Was silence and solitude!

Into Oblivion...

How would it feel to watch your own self fade away?? While you happily watch the world who were once with you, by your side, in the same race, move ahead… all one by one, embracing lives, they just pass by you by while you stay where you had been for years… a dark hell of your own which you call “paradise”… and simply fade away from this universe silently, passively as if you never existed. The world forgets or probably is forced to overlook your existence.

Sometimes it is better that way – to forget, not to remember what it was like to have known you… to have spent those 2 minutes with you…

Sometimes it is better to cross by you with out recognizing the face and the brilliance that once could have set the world ablaze.

You simply rust, burn up and keep sinking deeper into this dim haven as if you were from another planet, you make your own fake world – one that’s full of lies, self disgust, depression, torture, anguish and only dark clouds…

And yet all that you had was all that one could ever dream of…
And yet all that you let fade…

Like a fictional being standing at the centre of a busy highway of life with none of the passers able to touch you …

I realized at some point in my life that it is difficult to control an extremely sharp and intelligent mind. And that’s precisely the current situation…
To have known such a mind was luck… to have seen it fading away is pain… and to have tried to control it was foolishness and love… Love with all its stupidities ever dares to do the impossible tasks even knowing its miserable fate.

And maybe some day all that will be left will be your absence, and this ever going race… the world full of people who had once known you… some very precious moments … silent tears and smiles and my helplessness and despair.

Till then,
Enlighten me with your pain…
I have sailed the crimson river time and again!!!

The Dusk

I watch you with the kids… a rare moment… the peace and serenity on your face – worthy of a lifetime… coz kids don’t bother... they don’t question you about your past and future … they just play around you… lift you up… you don’t have to pretend with them about your sanctity …

I watch you with the electronic games… the alertness and sense of achievement with your wins, so unlike the real world, make you believe you are the master coz they don’t react…

As I try to hold on to you, you gasp free of my clutch as if choked by the nearness…
The more I try to get you involved the more you evade... And I understand that…

I and the rest are aliens... to this lure of ecstasy… the pleasure of one moment vis-à-vis a lifetime of pain…

And for me... I watch you vulnerably smoldering yourself in that hole… your flames reach out to us too… engulfing us in its blazing arms…

Strangled with the numbness
Am dead to all the pain…
Venom I could not spit
Is turning blue in my vein…

This despair is mine…
And I will fight till the sun shines.

Only Sometimes

Sometimes the incessant raindrops cant wet you...
Some times the heart beats are simply too loud...
Sometimes the silence around you is so stifling…
Sometimes the darkness is just too bright..
Sometimes the threatening tears just don’t fall…
And sometimes... Oh so many times... I am just not me…

All Alone....

The Namesake

I remember having seen this movie with Quak a couple of months or maybe a year ago! Not a commercial movie – yet I had liked it, especially Irfaan and Tabu’s acting. I had also heard the review that the book was much better than the movie but never really got the chance to read it, till recently.

In my short stint of reading books, I had always preferred English / Foreign writers than Indian. Though I must say the writings of Chetan Bhagat are really good, however Indian writings always seem a bit slow paced.
“The Namesake” is the first Jhumpa Lahiri book that I have been reading and though I already knew the storyline, reading the book was overwhelming. As I had perceived the flow was slow paced and at times the sequence seemed very stretching, still there was a small growing inquisitiveness which never let me put the book down.
This book very minutely depicted the sentiments and feelings of an Indian settling down in a continent with unknown surroundings, people, language, food habits and culture; of trying to hold onto what the possess and the reluctance to blend with the current ambiance. The generation gap especially when the two generations belong to separate nationalities is so articulately represented that after a certain point I feel myself to be a part of character in the story. A much unbiased narration by Jhumpa Lahiri where there is no right or wrong way of doing things. At one point you sympathize with Ashima and at the other empathize with Gogol.
The most appealing phase of the book is the transition in Gogol from a boy to a man. One event … and his whole life changes. The life of the early Gogol (or Nikhil, though I must admit that I relate more to Gogol than his good name Nikhil) which was wishy-washy and carefree, suddenly slows down with the death of his father. That one night in his father's apartment brings him closer to his roots, something that years of togetherness could not achieve. That one night of inspection and the dawning understanding of his father’s life had a very natural effect. Another attractive feature of this book is its ‘elegant simplicity’ and the lack of any literary superfluities … short blunt poignant language… no diplomatic word play… no caked display of expressions… raw to the core… exhibition of Indianism.

Gogol – marrying a girl from the same community, yet could not avoid the inevitable.
Sonia – A modern NRI girl, who hates her Indian origin, yet turns out to be great support during the initial days of her mother’s widowhood, the comfortable friendship the Sonia had ALLOWED to develop despite of the variance of mindset is very commendable.

Ashima – Her meekness to accept her married life according to the wishes of her husband, stifling her inner cries… Her boldness to choose a different course of life after having dispensed off all the so called ‘duties and responsibilities’. She had never felt comfortable in the States inspite of the number of years she had spent there, longing for her Indian native. And yet the sad reluctance to leave States where she had spent the last years of togetherness with her husband and children is so ironical!
The other characters like Ruth, Max and Moushumi – and their different ways of living detachedly reminds me of the stark reality of the people around us.

The story is a subtle reminder of the Indian perspective of a family and its significance – something to look up to, something to fall back on… something to live for.

Inspite of Gogol’s numerous attempts to isolate himself from the family ties; he unknowingly could never do that. And its during his worst phase that he finds solace in the reunion of the family. The reality of death, the suddenness and the pain associated with it…. the numerous ways to relive the moments and to feel the presence of the deceased one by being in similar surroundings of the past is very stirring.
Ashima’s attempts to walk or drive through the familiar roads of Cambridge reminiscing her late husband…
Gogol taking a walk around the pond in Cleveland where his dad used to do the same, his trying to figure out the exact places where his dad must have stood before he left the apartment forever, his trying to trace with his index finger his dead father’s contours, moustache and eyebrows is very touching, yet so realistic.
Lastly Nikolai Gogol’s Overcoat – the book which saved Ashoke, and consequently Ashima and her family came through – and Ashima’s words “We all come from Gogol’s overcoat” celebrating the gift of life that Ashoke and his family had received from this Russian author.

(As complimented by daily Telegraph - )
Such beautifully observed characters and unassuming display of emotions, poised sensuality and hidden complexity spun from perfect simplicity…!!!


Applause and cheers!

The Troublesome Duo

Anybody seeing them would mistake them for twins – both in red top and white skirt, high heels and straightened hair – a gorgeous pair, with an individuality of their own. Both strikingly smart and uniquely attractive.
They have been spotted together many a times and sometimes even their parents / near ones get confused with the similarities, yet a close look would reveal the difference – one with sharp features and the other cute and chubby. But both Emu and Quaky together make the perfect pair, and that too a troublesome one! This is how the term was coined – “Troublesome Duo” And this time when they met at the Cap Kol office, the whole atmosphere was charged, and it felt as if the past four months had never happened.
As if we were meeting casually and not after four long moths – long eventful months with varied experiences for both of us. And that reminded me of how it all started …. in one of those memorable days…

It was in the IISWBM premises that I had spotted her, well never really recollect our first interaction, coz we never paid any heed to each other at that time. All that I remember is a plain simple girl with a red salwar suit (and always a salwar suit), who rarely spoke to me (or may be anyone)!!. Some fleeting interactions with respect to placements and there we were attending a couple of job interviews together, both trying to behave cordially with the other and BINGO!!! We landed up with the same company --- the future Emu and Quak and their beginning…

Both of us engrossed in our own lives, making polite conversation, each going through personal upheavals and lo.. one of those ice breaking moments and it all started.
We never planned to meet or to work or to stay together but destiny had its own say…
And what followed is history!!!
We became the closest; together we sailed through the toughest and the best phases of our lives.

Quak… Remember the Anthro days,
Days of hard work for a soaring career,
Days of frustration and nothingness…
Your attempts to push me out of the office by 7pm
My attempts to prove myself each and every day.
Our attempts to get the maximum of what we had,
Our joint efforts for job hunt…
And guy hunt :-)

You Mafoi… Me Kelly
We both sharing new chapters of our lives… (Remember the fear and insecurity of getting sacked!!!)
So much of heartbreak, so much of strengthening each other ,
So much of shopping specially during those sitting sessions :-)

One of those freaking nights of madness, and a drive on the bypass, shouting and singing ….
“Chal chale apne ghar”
And then the makeover --- and helluva--- Life had so much to offer!!!

You helped me gain strength and confidence, to win over the toughest phase of my life. You showed me my potential and taught me to live for myself first. Your belief in me, your praise of my precious assets... And then our staying together 

Memoirs of the Durgapur trip, the photo shoot sessions, the Kalighat puja, belly dancing, morning jogs and the Padatik preps, We and the ipod and the wonderful English songs, You taught me “Viva forever” and my teaching of “Hoy to tomari jonno”. The orkut targets and new captions, the sudden influx of guys, and the awkward datings and hours of phone calls, never to forget the nightly venture to Underground with some unknown friends . Your doggy act and ducky voice… my creating mess of every relation. Our long discussions of bosses over the Escaffio Rumballs and Flurys brownies, BBQ and Petercat, those never to be repeated taxi rides and the morning movie shows.
The fear and doubts of an uncertain future, your first (and then second and third) meet with Shiv, the dress selections. Me crying into the pillow till the wake of the morning and your silent presence by my side, always reassuring of the best to happen…

You leaving Kol, quitting job; Me staying back and joining Cap Kol.
Your days of marriage preparations and my amateur tips in every possible situation.
Your wedding – a time to remember. A time to be happy to see my best friend stepping onto a different course of life… and sad at the thought of loosing you and the end of togetherness.
You in Malaysia… I in India, yet the connect and the bond strengthening all over.

We don’t share each other’s days anymore, you don’t wake me up in the morning or set deadlines for me. We don’t play pranks on anyone anymore; neither do I touch your nose…
I don’t ask your suggestions on any dress that I wear; neither do I let you make plans for a movie without bothering to ask me.

Those days are gone, that phase is over, never to come back again… yet we are together – every moment and every event is shared.
We are together while on call or the YM chats… or when you send me one of those graphical drawings which I admire and share with all my friends or when I discuss the deepest problems late at night over an ISD.
We are still together… when I request you for a ‘quack quack’ or when you call me ‘Emu’.

And that’s why we are together now… both in red and white, sitting side by side, you with tears in your big eyes… and me, well, I am always the indecent one… crying shamelessly, indifferent to the onlookers.

Have missed you terribly, all those months, coming back to an empty room, sleeping with my own thoughts unsaid, trying to wake up to an empty room and an unslept pillow by my side.
Have missed you while cooking ‘chicken tangri’ or having chocolate fantasy.
Have missed you in the City Centre and the Park Street.
Have missed you when I needed you the most, and will always do.

Our chapter of togetherness has closed or rather evolved to a different phase. But I will always cherish the phase that I had passed with you by my side.
Your writing on the backside of the glass painting is still hanging on the wall above my bed ----

““…all experience is an archway wherethrough
gleams that untravelled world,
whose margins fade forever
as I move ahead…”

Keep the journey going & experience all that comes with open arms & mind”



Emu to Quak --- April 12th 2008

Hasta Manana.. Always be Mine...!!!

Do you still remember, how it used to be
Feeling together, believe in whatever
My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers
Young love in the sun
Felt like my savior, my spirit I gave you
We'd only just begun

Hasta manana, always be mine

Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one

Yes I still remember, every whispered word
The touch of your skin, giving life from within
Like a love song that I'd heard
Slipping through your fingers, like the sands of time
Promises made, every memory saved
Has reflections in my mind

Hasta manana, always be mine

Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one

But we're alone now, was it just a dream
Feelings untold, they will never be sold
And the secret's safe with me

Hasta manana, always be mine

Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one
for the one

Don't..!!!

Don’t care so much for me,
I may get used to it.
Don't come so near to me,
I may not be able to detach from it.
Don't put so much faith in me,
I may not be able to handle it.
Don't touch me the way u do,
I may not be able to get over it.
Don't become a part of my life,
Coz without u, I won't be able to live it.
Don't make me fall for u,
I may not be able to fall out of it.
Don't come into my life,
If u have to leave one day.
Don't give me the hope,
That it's forever u r gonna stay.
Coz love is an emotion
I won't be able to hide,
When love isn't reciprocated with love,
It hurts deep down inside.
Don't start something
That I won't be able to end.
Don't make me believe
That u can be more than a friend.
Coz at the end of it all,
I don't wanna hear u say,
That," I'm sorry,"
" but I never felt the same way!"

AfterGlow.. !!!

Here I am,
lost in the light of the moon
that comes through my window
Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses

Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow

Here I am, lost in the ashes of time,
but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow,
I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today

Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way
I will sacrifice
'til the blinding day
when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow

When the faith has gone
as I let you go,
as I let you go

Touch me and I will follow
in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way,
I will sacrifice
Now I'm living
in your afterglow

Bathed in blue,
the walls of my memory divide
the thorns from the roses
It's you who is closest

One last time..!!

Its been months.. and it seems to be like ages since I have stopped communicating (with It…). I no longer let It come near my premises.. Its as if there is a glass door between us… A crystal clear transparent one… so that there is an unbreakable barrier yet one that we cant see… and somewhere the urge to cross or break that barrier to go beyond has died down… Nothing is indispensable in life.. Neither had It been.. I am still the happy go lucky self.. Life is still as good as ever…


I have more or less bid goodbyes to everything that could have affected me by now.. just a few scattered remenants here and there left…
I still have to do the one final thing .. which I had forgotten totally.. It … I still have to part with It finally… Maybe that was what was bothering me inside.. the peeping face… tormenting at times…

So I chose today to do the honors… A farewell song for It … To reiterate that though you will never be with me again.. yet I will never forget you… and however far we may be.. you will always have the same effect as you had on the first day.. as fresh like the morning bloom… as prominent as the clear night sky…

Today for the rest of the night .. I will listen to this farewell song…. And gradually .. slowly.. will let It fade out of my life…. Fade into oblivion… It has been very faithful all the while.. being with me through the ups and downs.. but now am no more authorized to hold It back.. Have to let it go.. so that it doesn’t suffocate with me.. so that it can breathe in fresh air.. and remain alive… forever.. to spread its fragrance everywhere and touch the lives of all those who pass by…

Good bye.. My farewell song for you…

Door jo aaj hain , yaad ate to hain
khwab adhure sahi , khwab saharey to hain

aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hain
yadein teri daman kheenchti hain
bhool chuke hain jo humein
yaad ate to hain…

sadiyon ke fasle aaj hain darmiyan
ho jai mager jitni bhi dooriyan

aap jahan bhi rahain , aap humarey to hain
khwab adhure sahi , khwab saharey to hain

jane phir kab milain tere mere rastein
aas tute nahi yaad itna rahe ……

raat dhalni to hai
aane ujalay to hai..!!
(Junoon)

As the night proceeds... let me kiss it goodbye for one last time..!!

Unbreak My Heart..!!!

Don´t leave me in all this pain
don´t leave me out in the rain
come back and bring back my smile
come and take these tears away
I need your arms
to hold me now
the nights are so unkind
bring back those nights
when I held you besid me

Unbreak my heart
say you love me again
undo this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
uncry these tears
I cried so many nights
unbreak my heart (my heart)

Take back te sad word good bye
bring me the joy to my life
Don´t leave me here with these tears
come and kiss this pain away

I can´t forget the day you left
time is so unkind
and life is so cruel
without you beside me

Unbreak my heart
say you´ll love me again
undo this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
Uncry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un break my heart

Don´t leave me in all this pain
don´t leave out in the rain
bring back the nights
when I held you beside me

Unbreak my heart
say you love me again
undo this hurt you caused
when you walked out the door
and walked outta my life
uncry these tears
I cried so many milions nights
un break my

Unbreak my heart Oh Baby
come back and say you love me
unbreak my heart sweet sarling
without you I just can´t go on

Chorus: Say you love me, say you love me

The Bypass Calling

The lonely drive… along the stretch…
The gust of wind on my face
Has often evoked a smile or a tear sometimes…
The green elements standing untouched..
the city looming aside…
The neon lights enlightening the pathway..
the numerous hoardings increasingly lining up day by day…
The all too familiar smell..
the memories of another day…
the unknown face…with the known smile…
the hands that were sometimes felt..
the silence between
more disturbing than the bizarre traffic…
the churning heart..
the yearns of a loved heart…


“Dada bypass dhore berobo”
…anyplace I go.. I always prefer the bypass route…Logically speaking it is the fastest and most hassle free route. So Whenever I ask myself..” Shall I take the bypass” Its always accompanied by a “Yes”… Logic says so.. but its not logic that I follow.. have never followed it.. its my heart that rules again.

Dear Bypass..
You steer me away from the main city
towards the strait of memories..
of some golden momets spent..

You have seen me in every form..
happen to know every hidden secret of mine…
You have shared my smiles…
and my tears too unyieldingly.

You are the same everyday..
but the intangibles attached are different
I take your route everyday…
I relate to myself through you…
You are the only one with whom I feel.. and feel everything…
the ‘had beens’… the ‘is’.. the ‘will bes’.

Its you who comes to me .. when I think of this city

The silence never broken…. Not a word said… No tears shed.. then why did I feel you near me.. soothing me.. touching me…

You have seen me breaking… and gradually making too..
You have heard my silent curses and the whispers of endearments too..
You have seen it all and you know it all…
yet I have never added you to my friend list…
I have never thanked you enough for being constant in this world of inconsistency..

From faraway the old song sings…
“Ei shohor jaane amar prothom shob kichu…”

So I give in to the urge.. and pass by the dwindling city …
”Dada Bypass dhore berobo”

I have lost it.... completely.. this time !!!

IT never happened the way I wanted it to....

"Years down the line when I no more have the time to listen to the falling raindrops..when I no longer feel the warmth of the blanket, when I don’t have to go to college ..no canteens, no adda, no cups of coffee on the terrace, no coffeehouse no foodstation visits.........When tired of the ‘office’ life I look out for something-- only to get a vacuum . I know it will still be there..that face, that image, that smile, that caress...
it might touch me lightly even, but it will....
It will still listen to me when I have lost the energy to talk..
It will remind me of those cozy...warm... silky nights..
of the smile that was there in broad day light..
of the hand that touched me..
of the heart that loved me.
... and I will be happy again!! I will be his girl again. I will forget everything and sleep again!"

It is not there in my life anymore.... It stands far away from me..mocks me.. and challenges me that if I go after it I will prove myself a weakling...

It is not there in my life anymore.... will never be there...
... and I will never be happy again!! I will never be his girl again. I will forget everything but never sleep again !!!

The Epilogue…

When the years fade away
Into the glorious past
And men seemed to have
Changed their paths

When you’ve moved apart
Ahead in life
The choicest moves
Pressing your sides

On a long road you will walk
Feeling me at every spot
And as the days go by you would remember me
As if you never forgot

That’s me for your heart !!!

Bye Bye Quacky !!

"Days fade into night,
Winter into glorious spring...
Memories do not fade away,They just settle down into a permanent corner of your mind.

One fine morning, you might find those memories wake up from hibernation.
Those dusty corners behind the closed door
Of your mind gets cleansed
and that torn address book comes out...............

We are just a call away."

Courtesy : Paromita Chakraborty

Nobody around... :(

The world said this, the world said that,
but nobody cared to know what said my heart.
Nobody ever looked through my eyes, nobody ever thought what I like or despise.

Nobody will ever see what I think, nobody will ever understand nything.
Nobody will ever get to know the pain I`m in...
Nobody will ever uncover the secrets within.

Time & tide waits for none & I`ll grow up as wished by everyone.
My tears are dry & I`ve forgtten 2 cry. But nobody will ever know why I said
"IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING"...

They will never know what I live (lived) for & what my life is!